I would like to introduce you to the newest member of our family.

soooooo much cooooollll

 

Crazy, right?  I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking “wow, I’m really surprised that Maggie would go and buy a minivan.  She seemed more hip than that.”  And my response to you is “WRONG.”

It turns out that I am not hip at all and I would like to offer the following pieces of evidence to support my claim:

  1. I don’t ever wear high heels.  In fact, when I see them now I don’t even think “Aw ma feet would look smoking in those!”  Instead the inner monologue goes something like “Ugh, I can feel my toes pinching just looking at these things!  I bet they don’t provide any lower back support.  What the hell kind of socks do people wear with those?!”
  2. When we went to Bon Iver concert last month, I was shocked to find that mustaches had made a comeback.  Apparently they have been in style for years!
  3. If people ask about the new car, I go on and on about the power sliding doors and the stow-n-go seats.

I find myself giving up on parts of my pre-child identity kind of regularly these days.  Fancy clothes I thought I might wear again are begin consigned or given away in favor of things that are machine washable and don’t have any embellishments.  Artsy marble lamps are stowed to make room for a little art table.  Truly wonderful shoes have been donated in favor of Dankos and Birkenstocks.  Time consuming hobbies are neglected in favor of building forts and cleaning my house.  Trashy, delicious novels are replaced with terrible terrible books like “What Cat is That?”  As often as not, date nights mean one of us goes out with friends while the other stays home because we don’t want to pay someone $10 an hour to sit on our couch while the baby sleeps.

I know I have been losing these things since Milo was born, but I think I recently reached a point where I made the mental adjustment that totally accepted this was the new me, not some temporary Maggie that just stepped in momentarily to take care of business.  The mid-20-something Maggie is as much a thing of past as 15 year old Maggie is.  Things about me and things in my life will truly never be as they were before Milo came.

And ya know what?  I’m glad.  I think I like this more.

It is more chaotic.  It is exhausting.  I never sleep through the night.  I never sleep in.  I never spend more than 25 minutes putting myself together.  I never bring a glass of wine into the shower while getting ready to go out for the night.  It is more expensive.  It is more stressful.  I feel a little closer to the edge of my sanity all the time.  It can be lonely.  It can feel thankless.

It also is more fun than I think I’ve ever had in my life.  This Maggie doesn’t spend half as much time caring about what other people think.  This Maggie gets over things a lot faster.  This Maggie has much more empathy for pretty much everyone.  This Maggie is really good at loving and liking people around her.  This Maggie feels purposeful and powerful all the time.  Things are unpredictable, yet I do more planning now than ever.  Things are messy, though I spend more time cleaning.  I spend less time eating even though I spend more time cooking.

I am all out, full on, utterly, totally, and completely thankful to get to be the new Maggie though.  With less time, less sleep, and less money, I have so much more than I did two years ago.  And I had an awful lot back then too.  But I think I am better at seeing through the embellishments now and getting down to the real substance.  And it turns out the substance is what it always was – family and friends.  Thanks.  :)

Advertisement